Saturday, August 9, 2014

Another plan bites the dust

As you can probably tell (anyone who's reading this, which is no one), my photographic career came to a dead halt. It was actually part of an idea to promote fitness (mine, of course), to wit: go hiking, take pictures of critters and pretty things, lose weight. Well, that requires one to get up off one's hind end and actually go somewhere, which takes energy and/or enthusiasm, neither of which I appear to have. So I'll sell all the hiking and camera equipment (well, maybe not the last camera I bought--I kinda like that one) and move on.

Move on...to where? Hard to tell. I used to be quite a creative person, but that appears to be all but gone. I don't know how to recover it. The lack of it leaves quite a big hole in my soul. Ennui is not much of a filler.

I'm still gainfully employed, thank goodness, and I think that job is secure...although my employer has proven rather too willing to shift employees from one department to another, which doesn't exactly make me feel comfortable in my already-uncomfortable little cubicle (which, after having a private office for at least 12 years, I still loathe). Guess I'll just keep working until they move me or I qualify for retirement or I just drop dead from stress, whichever comes first.

I often think about moving somewhere with mountains and trees (unlike West Texas), a smaller city/town, and working at freelance editing/proofreading from home. But I'm not a fool--I know that takes money, which I don't have because it's all in the house I bought with my sister a little over four years ago, and in the remodeling loans we're still paying off. In retrospect, that "partnership" was maybe not such a good idea. Not that the house is bad or in a bad neighborhood--far from it, it's the nicest house I've ever lived in, especially with all the improvements we've made, and the neighborhood is great. But Sister and I butt heads fairly often (mostly when she feels an urge to run my life) and I wind up feeling hemmed in and wishing (strongly) that I could be on my own again. I lived alone for most of my adult life and liked it just fine.

But she's on what is euphemistically called a "limited income", so...where would she go? For that matter, is there anywhere I seriously want to go? As Pigkiller said in Mad Max: Thunderdome, "No matter where you go, there you are." Can't patch a hole in the soul that way.

Anyway...just whining.

1 comment:

Kalli said...

Sleep disturbance, ennui, loss of interest in former hobbies, etc. - have you had your thyroid levels checked? Also parathyroid. Could all be more medical than you think...